As I lay down on my bed i keep thinking about what would be in store for my future. Actually, I'm in front of the PC, thinking about my future. It seems hard not to ignore what months or weeks I'm left with; Still with many uncertainty about what's going to happen next in my life. I dreamt about life over there last night. It was me, all alone.. Having to make new frens, having to find a place, a comfort zone, a new meaning & purpose in life. I was scared & vulnerable to things that are oh-so familiar to me here.. Is it me or am I just stressing out over something tat might not even be possible?? Oh please.. I'm only human! ARGH!! I know I have to get a grip.. I will.. Soon I hope! *sobs* Im going back to a path in my life where everything around me goes blank, & suddenly I'm in a world of my own.. Thinking about something so hard that onli when I hear a voice loud enough to overtake my own thoughts that reality will set back in me.. My face will go blank yet I would have listened to what have been said, stored it in my memory but onli gathering the information when I'm back to reality.. Is this good?! I mean.. is it normal?! Sometimes I'm faced with some things or events that I'm going to be missing out on when I leave.. That's making leaving harder.. Yet the next second I'm all geared up & ready to be going.. *sobs* My mind is like rojak right now... To top it off, it gets more piled on everyday.. Constantly.. The pressure is on.. & if you know me well enough.. I hate pressure.. Esp from *you-know-who*.. Yes.. it sucks!! Worst is that I have to keep all these bottled inside me no matter what.. Thats what I hate doing but this is my life.. A life God has given & chosen for me.. A path have been chosen.. But which path?! That I must figure out myself.. & with that I shall leave you with a poem that a relief teacher from my secondary school days had once given to me;

Believe in yourself ~
In the power you have
To control your own life,
Day by day.

Believe in the strength
That you have deep inside,
And your faith will help,
Show you the way...

Believe in tomorrow
And what it will bring ~
Let a hopeful heart
Carry you through.

For things will work out
If you trust & believe
There's no limit
To what you can do!

-- Emily Matthews